When the Sun Shines at Night…

by Confessions

Sometimes I find myself stuck in insomnia.

I don’t fall asleep until six in the morning and that’s because I force myself too and than I force myself to wake up around three or four pm and I just do not understand why.

I have all this time alone, to myself, that causes all these thoughts to flow through my head continuously and the only way to get rid of them is to indulge myself in the fantasy world of television. I watch a bunch of shows like One Tree Hill and Friday Night Lights because it makes me believe in something different.

I get attached to TV shows and sometimes I think its because I don’t know how to live a life of my own. I don’t know how to full fill my own dreams and wishes. I want to push myself and become what I know I could have become but reality sets in and that feeling of I can do it only last so long. And than the one thing I find in common with these shows is that there based on sports and teenagers getting to full fill there dreams no matter how many trials they go through and I feel like happy… Maybe its because I wish I could go back and change or maybe its because I want to try again or maybe its because I threw it all away knowing very well that I could of had it.

Either way I cry because its over, because in reality I cant go back and I cant change the decisions I made. 

I find that at night time the sun shines brighter than every. It’s as if I am standing right in front of it but the only problem is that I don’t allow myself to face the fact that its there and I ask myself why wont I let myself see it why wont I allow myself to escape from the dark… 

I don’t know and I don’t have an answer right now but maybe one day I will allow myself to awake in the light and sleep in the dark.

so when I lay my head down at night and I peak through my window to find the sun light, I sometimes forget that it’s already there I just need to open my eyes I find it.