she walks in with a smile and greets everyone hello, the same routine she does everyday.
she explains that her day went well even though there were a few mishaps and she smiles and listens to what everyone else has to say but her mind is attacking her.
she walks up the stairs with elegance and class and she approaches the same door she has approached for the past four months.
her hand slowly reaches for the knob, her soft delicate hands come into contact with the cold silver metal as she turns the knob to enter the room
it’s not her room it’s the room, the room that no one understands when that door shuts
she slides in and slowly shuts the door putting her head gently on the white wooden tree, her smile fades away and the grip she once had on the knob is now gone as her hand falls to her side.
her body relaxes as if the weight she carries every day has been lifted off of her
so she turns her back to the door just lightly hitting it not making noise, while her bum just brushes the wooden floor
as her hands come from behind her she slides down slowly to the floor and throws her hands to the ground
her once beautiful face has now fallen into a dark gloomy frown
the arms that once swung as she walked are now holding her stomach like a mother holds her new born baby
the tastes of salt enters into her mouth and a slow rush of fluid falls above her upper lip
her face is just shy of being covered in water and trembling of her lip becomes constant
before you know it her everyday is falling apart right in front of her
she can no longer listen to the sounds in her head telling her she’s not good enough, not strong enough, not powerful enough as she smiles everyday
because what lies beneath her is a million years away from what develops on the surface
she cant do it and she doesn’t want to feel it any more, so as her heart sinks into her stomach and her body caves in she slowly stands up and she smiles as she wipes the water away because she knows she has to do this and she has to go on in order to breath free every day
…I’m sorry I’m weak and I’m sorry I break down but I’ll pull it together I promise you