Mind killer

by Confessions

I don’t know when it all started or when the struggle to breath freely began in my life, but all I know is that it took over so fast that the pain was the only thing implanted into my brain

the way it slowly crept in was sickening
I had no clue that it was coming,
when it was coming,
how it was coming,, 
or that I would be next

I thought I was a happy kid and I thought I had it all together before I let my guard down,
but if only I didn’t,
if only I stayed strong until the end.

I remember waking up and not knowing who I was or what I was doing, I couldn’t remember the reason to smile or the reason to be here and before I figured it out,
it hit me,
like a bowling ball hits all the pins down… boom! Strike!

I laid there paralysed, not physically but mentally, as it quickly took its course.

once it started, it started I couldn’t stop it,
I couldn’t cure it
and I couldn’t help but let it control me.

It wrapped itself around my mind, body and spirit and slowly but securely stripped me of my dignity and thoughts.

Every single idea that it embedded into my mind was dreadfully hurtful and punishing.

It took me when I least expected it, erasing all happiness that ever lived inside of me
and from then on all good in my mind was gone. 

it grabbed me, as if I were a starving lions prey
I tried so hard to fight back but I couldn’t, each day my body got weaker and weaker but it grew stronger and stronger.

It drained my strength the same way you would squeeze the juice out of a lemon 

I was in a complete loss, the biggest defeat I had ever faced

loosing the ability to think positively was probably the most horrific feeling ever… 

depression has and will be one of the worst serial killers alive
it was the biggest loss of my life