this ones for YOU

by Confessions

Many nights you left me waiting,

waiting at my front door hoping that you will come,

come and rescue me and prove everyone else wrong,

because even though I waited from day to night

from dusk to dawn I believed that you’d show up.

I believed that some where deep down you still cared about me and you still loved me,

and that hopefully one day you would miss me as much as I missed you.

I would sit at the front door and look through the big glass window that took up half of the front house

as it looked onto the street, every car that passed and every light that flicked onto the house made me anxious,

just hoping it was you pulling into the drive way

but every car that passed did simply that

it passed

it passed my house and every light that flickered ,

flickered and left.

But I still believed that you wouldn’t let me down

and I still believed that you would come around.

But every night you told me you were coming you left me to fall asleep on the stairs,

you left my mom to pick up the tears and mend the broken heart that ended up still hoping,

you left me to look like a fool as my brothers laughed and said ‘I told you so.’

I will never forget the nights I put on my best dress and my favorite shoes,

I wore my pretty bag that was packed with clothes,

and I held onto my teddy bear as I waited for you….

yet you never came.

But I forgive you for

I forgive you because every night that you left me my mom got stronger,

my heart grew stronger

and I knew what it was to have your heart broken by someone you loved so much but didn’t love you back,

and I didn’t have to go through a bad break up at 16 to experience it…

I just had to be your daughter.

I always wanted to be a daddy’s girl but that dream slowly faded away

like the cars that slowly drove by my house every night

or the hours that felt like days

and the dead light that was never ready to go out.

I stopped waiting and I stopped holding on,

I stopped looking outside of the window

and I stopped sitting by the stairs praying that just this one night you wouldn’t let me down,

but you did

and I only hope that one day you’ll see how happy I am

you’ll see the strong woman you’ve made me become,

not because you were around but because you left me.

I just wish it didn’t take me 13 years to stop being the little girl who waited for her daddy…