With all brokenness aside… May be fiction or non-fiction, all depends on how you read it

tick tick boom

tick tick tick

she was running down the dark alley, her feet were heavy on the pavement feeling every stone and stick that she made contact with

her heart picked up a beat pumping blood faster and faster

tick tick tick

she couldn’t get the sound out of her head but she kept running until she stopped

panicked looking around her she lifted her left hand and brought it to her forehead, she rubbed it back and forth, back and forth until she brought it down to the side of her face, it slowly moved covering her eye and than her lips, she brought it slowly down finally falling to her chest

she stopped and let her chest rise and fall, rise and fall bringing her right hand atop of her left hand tears rolled down her face

tick tick tick

she stood there in a daze

nothing around her besides darkness

tick tick tick

she squatted to her knees and hugged them tighter than ever,

her mind wouldn’t settle, her thoughts were scattered, jumping from one scenario to another

tick tick tick

rocking back and forth on her heels she held her head and than slowly stood up

she held her face caressing it for sympathy

tick tick tick

her breathing picked up

in out

in out in out in out

in out in out in out in out in out

tick tick tick

it all stopped she smiled and finally let go of the chaos she could no longer control

tick… tick… tick… boom!



They asked me to explain it,
explain that feeling I get randomly,
the one that overwhelms me with joy and leaves me in awe of life…
but I couldn’t explain it
it was indescribable
If I used the simple words from american language to describe it, I would be putting to shame what it truly is and how it truly makes me feel.

It would be an understatement and a crime to define it as anything less of what it is.

I could not limit this feeling to one event or one situation that happens to me,
because that’s no what it is.

Sometimes I feel it when I spend time with him or
sometimes I feel it when i’m alone.

It doesn’t always happen when i’m with him or people in general.
It happens in the craziest and even the simplest of moments,
the ones that we allow to pass by with out noticing or even the ones we pay too much attention too.

When I do feel it my body fills up with an unimaginable amount of happiness and love.
In that moment I start to realize that to him I am his princess and he is my king, my groom and I his bride.

He’s also my best friend and my reliable companion in times of need.
When I stop loving him he loves me harder and when I loose trust in him he proves to me over and over again that he is the only one I can rely on.
He sees in me what a mirror cant show me, he goes deeper with me the way no one else can ever understand.
He smiles when I rise and he holds me when I fall.

He brings me a true and everlasting feeling of excitement, that can never be understood until you experience it yourself… and I wonder how can someone not want this?
Than I remember that many people wont feel this but will continuously search for it in the wrong things.

Love in the Deep End

You held my cold and timid hand as we sat on the warm beach,
you slowly turned your face towards mine,
and in the small moment I knew what you would say to me..

I wanted you to say it,
I was anticipating this moment because I knew that it’s what I wanted
but I feared you only wanted it for me.

You said lets swim out to the deep end,
together just me and you,
I looked into your eyes and put on my poker face,
I held your face in my hands and said okay

my heart was beating faster than I ever thought a heart could beat

As we got into the water you gripped my hand
and said when we get tired we will come back to the shore… together
and I trusted you

by the time we got past the shallow waters
and the sun started to slowly die I felt your hand slip away,
before I knew it you got tired before me

even though I was tired I kept swimming
hoping you’d just hold on a little bit longer
the deeper I got with you, the more you gave up.

When I thought you were beside me pushing through the waves
I turned to see you heading back to the shore,
your safe place where you didn’t have to worry about drowning.

I was ready to drown for you,
drown with you,
push you when you got tired
but instead you left me out there to sink all by myself,
to fight back to the shore….

and i’m not even sure I made it back yet
I’m out here slowly getting to the shallow end
while I suffocate in your love.

Seasonal love

It came and went without you even knowing,

it was strong and than it was weak.

It started to evolve slowly like the flowers that bloom in may,

even though there were rainy days the sun still shinned.

It was everything you were wanting and waiting for but once it came you wished it away.

It was beautiful, warm and contagious like the summer,

but some days were too unbearable and too uncomfortable just like the sun beaming on your skin.

And when you were just getting use to it in a split second it slipped away,

it creep-ed up and became explicitly cool, breezy and flaky.

Like the leaves during the fall it slowly started to fall to the ground only to never be picked back up again.

I thought it would still last until it disintegrated into the freezing and brutally dreadful cold winter.

We still loved the winter even though it made us so sad.

but after a while you cant love it and you want the summer to come again,

only this time summer didn’t come.

this ones for YOU

Many nights you left me waiting,

waiting at my front door hoping that you will come,

come and rescue me and prove everyone else wrong,

because even though I waited from day to night

from dusk to dawn I believed that you’d show up.

I believed that some where deep down you still cared about me and you still loved me,

and that hopefully one day you would miss me as much as I missed you.

I would sit at the front door and look through the big glass window that took up half of the front house

as it looked onto the street, every car that passed and every light that flicked onto the house made me anxious,

just hoping it was you pulling into the drive way

but every car that passed did simply that

it passed

it passed my house and every light that flickered ,

flickered and left.

But I still believed that you wouldn’t let me down

and I still believed that you would come around.

But every night you told me you were coming you left me to fall asleep on the stairs,

you left my mom to pick up the tears and mend the broken heart that ended up still hoping,

you left me to look like a fool as my brothers laughed and said ‘I told you so.’

I will never forget the nights I put on my best dress and my favorite shoes,

I wore my pretty bag that was packed with clothes,

and I held onto my teddy bear as I waited for you….

yet you never came.

But I forgive you for

I forgive you because every night that you left me my mom got stronger,

my heart grew stronger

and I knew what it was to have your heart broken by someone you loved so much but didn’t love you back,

and I didn’t have to go through a bad break up at 16 to experience it…

I just had to be your daughter.

I always wanted to be a daddy’s girl but that dream slowly faded away

like the cars that slowly drove by my house every night

or the hours that felt like days

and the dead light that was never ready to go out.

I stopped waiting and I stopped holding on,

I stopped looking outside of the window

and I stopped sitting by the stairs praying that just this one night you wouldn’t let me down,

but you did

and I only hope that one day you’ll see how happy I am

you’ll see the strong woman you’ve made me become,

not because you were around but because you left me.

I just wish it didn’t take me 13 years to stop being the little girl who waited for her daddy…


Three doors
Three lives
Three girls
One roof.

They open their doors with smiles,
They close their doors with concerns.

One cant love herself so she cuts,
One has a family being torn apart so she cries,
One cant trust anyone so she sleeps around

behind these doors lies pain, hurt and confusion
but yet no one can provide them with an explanation.
so they move on, they go through the motions to get by.

They smile when they have to,
Laugh when they’re told to,
and breath when it all gets crazy.

They never knew four walls could hold so much lies and deception from what everyone else sees.

They cover it up,
They hide it all,
They stand tall,

She cant love herself so she hurts herself,
She doesn’t have stability so she breaks down,
She cant find trust so she lies to herself

They open their doors and they live because they just need to get through today so everything will be okay.

Three covers,
Three lies,
Three problems,
One response

My Prized Possession

It was everything I ever wanted, everything I ever searched for my whole life and I finally got it.
I never wanted to let it go and I never wanted anyone else to have it.
It was mine and all mine, only mine.
It lite up my day like the moon lights up the dark sky at night.
But it was so simple and beautiful like a flower that first blooms in May. 

I got to wake up everyday and it would already be looking at me.
I made sure it was close and always close because, if it got too far someone else might pick it up and never give it back.
It was worth more than gold, or even pearls fresh from the sea, but it cost less than a rusty old penny. 

I woke up everyday and you would be starring back at me.
You were always close and never too far because, you wanted to make sure everyone knew you were mine.
You were worth more than gold but never cost anything, nothing could ever buy you out not even an old penny.

You were everything I ever wanted, everything I ever searched for in my whole life and I finally got you.
I never wanted to let go and I never wanted anyone else to have you.
You were mine and all mine, only mine.
You lite up my gloomy days like the moon lights up a dark sky.
Your smile was everything, it was as beautiful as the first flower that blooms in May.

Your smile was my prized possession.

I guess I should have shared it more…