You held my cold and timid hand as we sat on the warm beach,
you slowly turned your face towards mine,
and in the small moment I knew what you would say to me..
I wanted you to say it,
I was anticipating this moment because I knew that it’s what I wanted
but I feared you only wanted it for me.
You said lets swim out to the deep end,
together just me and you,
I looked into your eyes and put on my poker face,
I held your face in my hands and said okay
my heart was beating faster than I ever thought a heart could beat
As we got into the water you gripped my hand
and said when we get tired we will come back to the shore… together
and I trusted you
by the time we got past the shallow waters
and the sun started to slowly die I felt your hand slip away,
before I knew it you got tired before me
even though I was tired I kept swimming
hoping you’d just hold on a little bit longer
the deeper I got with you, the more you gave up.
When I thought you were beside me pushing through the waves
I turned to see you heading back to the shore,
your safe place where you didn’t have to worry about drowning.
I was ready to drown for you,
drown with you,
push you when you got tired
but instead you left me out there to sink all by myself,
to fight back to the shore….
and i’m not even sure I made it back yet
I’m out here slowly getting to the shallow end
while I suffocate in your love.